I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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