i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
