so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
