Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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