I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
