his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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