so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
