I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
