The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
