bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
