The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
