Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
