I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
