I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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