Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there's paper in my vomit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
