I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
