just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
