His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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