I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
