remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
