put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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