You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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