At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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