i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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