dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
