Where did you get a picture of my penis
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
