I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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