shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
