Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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