I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
