my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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