The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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