I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
