the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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