Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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