Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
