I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
handjob tips. give me some.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
