I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
