Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
