I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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