i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When are your genitals available?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
