i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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