I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
