The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
