I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
