Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
