On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I die, sorry about rent.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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