then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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