yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
