Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
