Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
