Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
