Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
