A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
