So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if only i could text you this smell
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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party gras won. party gras always wins.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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