Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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