Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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