do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
