glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
