Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
