I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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