:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
