you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
