I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
