Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
