i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How does one acquire holy water?
True strength comes from lack of pants
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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