this just has baby written all over it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
