I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
