if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
