problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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