For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
