Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
