If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
