We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
