Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
