dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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