Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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