i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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