You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
