i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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