I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
