Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
