Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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