I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
