he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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