bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Shame is for Republicans.
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