Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
