beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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