guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
