I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
