i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
