There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
