I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
