For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
